Blue Valentine and Marriage on the rocks.

Today, I've actually got some time and watched the movie called Blue Valentine. It stars Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams. I thing, which I can say without any doubt is that they've given their career defining performances! They were really good. The movie actually has a lot of levels for both of them which gives them an opportunity to display their acting skills and talent.

The script and the performances of the primary actors are reason enough to watch the film. The direction is also quiet sensitive. The narration of the movie too, I found to be innovative. The story is quiet simple and thus makes it even more ironically intense. I've really seen some movies where they have a simple plot (nothing quiet special) but they somehow make it intense with the performances of the actors.

So this film is about a relationship which springs out of a 'love at first sight' between Cindy (Williams) and Dean (Gosling). The film has it's own way to proceed by contrasting the past with the present. I found this to be genius because this compels the story to be quiet interesting and less boring. These type of movies can suffer with the slow pacing, but this was perfectly alright. At present, their marriage is on the rocks and they a daughter, I think around 5 or 6 years. The daughter was actually not planned. They both decide to marry after Cindy becomes pregnant and they both have a different outlook on life.

I really won't spoil how the movies ends but all I will say is that the it was heartbreaking. I felt more bad for their daughter than anyone else. And that's how I got my today's subject for this post.

Now, if you're married and you think that the whole marriage thing was a mistake and all, you really need to think for days. Every married couple at one point has to face this kind of situation. That's when they're tested, may be by God, if you believe in God. That's when you really have to be careful and extricate yourself from that situation. YOU HAVE TO TRY HARD! You can't just wait for one another. You have to spark the fire back again. If it's possible, both of you mutually decide to isolate yourselves, may be for a week. During that period think about what would happen to others like your children if you have. You'll see that you'll begin to miss each other and that has to happen. If it doesn't that means you are guilty of something which you need to clear out. Try and save your relationship and marriage. Divorce might look as a solution in the short run, but always remember it will haunt you and will have an impact in the long run.

I think that all I have to say now. I'll be thinking how to improve on my posts. Hopefully, I'll be better and better with each time I write!

Have a nice day or a good night!

Love Always,
Bernard.

The Catcher In The Rye And Curing Mental Disorder

So, I've read this book called The Cather In The Rye, by J.D. Salinger.

The beginning is a bit slow. But eventually it becomes a slow drug. I don't know. What I've concluded is that not everyone will like that book. The reason why, is because it's very different and you need patience to read. (If you're struggling with 'Patience' then please read my last post). It is an amazing character study. Once you have finished reading, your thoughts might actually be influenced by the thoughts of Holden Caulfield (the main character in the book). The book is written in first person, so you can actually know what Holden is thinking. It's really different. A lot of you might think the book might be like The Perks Of Being A Wallflower, but trust me it's not! It's way different than that! Personally, I like the latter book more, but you cannot really judge! Because The Catcher In The Rye was published much before The Perks Of Being A Wallflower. And apparently Charlie from The Perks Of Being A Wallflower also likes The Catcher In The Rye.

I think you should read the book, once. If you're not a fan of a slow pacing book, then you can always borrow one. I bought it. I really wanted to buy the book. But I didn't get a new copy, I got a second hand copy. The pages have a strong yellowish tinge, but I didn't mind! I just wanted to read it. If you know me personally I could give you my copy to read. But I know, that's not going to happen in a while. I really liked the way how Holden thought. But yes, I can tell why that book is frequently challenged book. I don't want to spoil any incident of the book. To know it, you must read. Now don't be so lazy.

Anyway, It's mostly about the incidents which follows when he gets thrown out of the school. To put it in more school appropriate terms, he was expelled and he obviously had mental disorder. I mean all the mental disorder people thinks different than normal persons. That's what makes them a bit more special. They see the world in a different light than what normal people see. And when they learn how to put all that negativity to do something positive, they can create wonders! If you are one and you are undiagnosed. Let me tell you, something- there's nothing wrong with you. If you don't have any friends, I can be your friend. You're gifted! You're not like anyone in the world, which is a good thing. If everyone were the same, then everyone would have been like Einstein at some point.

So keep embracing yourself! Try to put the negativity into something positive. Like for example, when I'm sad I usually write, and sometimes I write songs. They turn out to be good, I'm not boasting or anything. I'm just giving you an example. You have to find it, by the way, how can you put all that negativity! Find that positive thing, and you'll realize how special you are!

Love Always,
Bernard.

Patience, Purpose and Creating Oneself!

Alright, So I've been a bit lazy these days I guess. And So I've been withdrawn from this blog. You know what actually, there has been a lot going on lately, which I don't want to discuss all at once here and now. Because, you know I'm in a place from where I cannot really open up, I mean it's not right.

Anyway, I got to learn a few things, which are mostly important. I've learned that people are sometimes stubborn, and they do not in whatsoever way would like to get below you. Once they do, or may be you have climbed socially above or something you've done is good that puts you higher, then they'll go made, literally, and drive everybody around insane. The thing is, people should have PATIENCE! If you are impatient and you cannot wait then I'm really sorry to say but you have to forcefully infuse into yourself. It can be personally or by someone's help. But make sure that no outsider has to do that. If the person is your family member then it's alright, and fine. And i should be like that. But never make it too late, that someone who's totally insignificant in your life has to shout and inject in you PATIENCE! The thorns of impatient by the way are pretty bad! A lot of you might have experienced it and it's okay to have at least once, but please don't get used to it. I have gone through that too, but I really had to teach myself to wait patiently for something.

The important thing is - WE SHOULD NEVER EXPECT RETURNS FROM EVERYTHING WE GET! If we expect returns from everything we do, we will only be disappointed! So, try and be as ignorant as possible initially, and you'll see once you get returns, you'll be really very happy! The thing is if you expect nothing, but you get something, it will only lead to your merriment. But imagine if you're expecting something big and you don't get anything close to it, you can very well imagine the disappointment that will follow.

The other thing I learned is that, which I've already told you. To find yourself in life but more importantly is to create yourself in life. Now, don't take this otherwise, but don't create yourself into a monster or someone dangerous. Make yourself useful. You can do that even without all the nonsense. Also, be realistic and a bit sensible!

You know, I still remember in grade 3, my class teacher put up a placard in class which said "EVERYBODY COUNTS" and no one knew what it actually meant. She then explained "It means that we are all important".  That really helped me. I mean I was never able to let go that! Now, in addition to that you also have to make yourself count. Once you know that you're doing the right thing, go ahead. Make sure you take amble time before making your decision. Don't stop once you start doing that!

Also, NEVER BE AFRAID TO BE YOURSELF! Even if people hates you, you should overlook that! Once you achieve what you're trying too, you'll see how many people likes you. I guess, I don't have to give any examples of people who went through harsh times and then reached the peak and finally is loved by many. Be that kind of person. More, appropriately BE YOURSELF.

Love Always,
Bernard.

P.S. IT'S NEVER TOO LATE TO DO THE RIGHT THING!

Hobbies And Bipolarity

I'm quiet busy these days. The thing is, I'm deliberately keeping myself busy. I have a lot of free time. Most of my friends are either studying or doing something. My science friends, including Ransley, are studying for their Joint Entrance (Competitive, I guess) exams, so that they can get into good science college and my commerce friends they're studying for Chartered Accountancy (CPT) and all. If you ask me why I am not studying? I have a very simple answer - clearly I don't want to study Accounts or become Chartered Accountant. My interest lies in Entertainment Business like Movies, Music and TV. My dream is to direct a movie one day. I can be a good actor too and a mediocre singer. I sometimes write songs, I mean I usually write songs when I'm feeling sad or extremely happy. When I'm sad, the song turns out really good and I'm proud of it eventually. But when I'm extremely happy, the song turns out to be really corny, but then I tell myself 'That's what pop music is about'. No seriously they're not that great. Yet, I still love singing and acting and writing songs. So basically my hobbies are singing, song writing, reading and listening to music. I even made a music video and I was the sole producer, director and editor. I uploaded that on facebook, and it got pretty good response, although it wasn't really good. The reason why I felt it wasn't that great because my sister was the one in the music video and she kept herself inside a bubble from which she didn't wanted to step out. I think she didn't trust me or something. I went along with her anyway, because it was really fun making it. Me and my cousins also made a cameo appearance in the video. And apparently everyone in my family saw the video and they liked it!

My sister loves Selena Gomez so we did the music video on 'Love You Like A Love Song'. I'm also making my first movie called - A journey Called Xavier's. Probably I'll release it sometime at the end of May. It's a documentary film about my school and focuses mostly on the last few days in school. I shot in school mostly and since I was too shy, I couldn't get enough footage. However one of my classmates who's also aspiring to become a director, told me he'll give me the footage which I missed. So hopefully it will be good. My friends and classmates were actually quiet surprise to see my stint. Actually no one believed in me that even I can do something. Again, I believe I was too quiet. I'm still quiet even now. Just the fact is I'm bipolar! It get's in my way every single time. Only my close relatives and friends know what a crazy person I am. At a party, I can dance till the end of the world! It's like I'm a completely different Avatar.

Some people are SHOCKED to see me like that! And they think how terrible I must be, in fact a hypocrite. I can understand this when I look at their faces. They seriously think I'm a wolf in sheep's clothing. I never explain anything about the disorder I'm suffering because I know that it won't matter much in my life, hopefully! Sometimes I really do laugh at this. It's funny to me. I guess, this is how everything works for a person like me. I'm actually glad because in this way i can behave appropriately at every place. I can be quiet at places where I'm supposed to be and can act crazy in a club or something. Once I start being crazy (in a good way), it becomes pretty hard to stop me. I enjoy it, though.

I also read books. Lately, I've been taken into reading. I just finished reading The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo and started reading The Catcher in The Rye. I'll review them most probably later. I've also read The Hunger Games trilogy and The Hobbit. I'm a big fan of The Hunger Games but not of The Hobbit. Anyways it was still a good read. I'll talk about these books, don't worry.

Till then, Bye.

Love Always,
Bernard.

Hallucination and Depression (Growing Up Contd)

Sorry I couldn't write anything because I was busy reading and tutoring.
 Anyway, now let me continue from the place I left. After my realization about myself and the person I am, I gradually distanced myself from Madan and grew closer to mates who liked me for me and never pretended. There weren't many and I can count them on my fingers. But that was also a pretty intense year for me. I was pressurized from all sorts of direction, and I tried hard to endure and keep it a silent. The thing is, I came to know that I was suffering from depression, to be more precise - bipolar disorder. Back then, I knew I was just suffering from mental illness.The problem with me is I think a lot. Also, if there's any bad incident which happened to me, it always stuck like a burr in my head, I can never forget them. Even now, I still remember so many things, But the difference is that now, I decided to overlook them, knowing fully well that I will never be able to let go. On top of that I actually wrote almost all the bad as well good things in my diary.

I was friends with Madan for a while in 10 and after that when he started to give me the impressions that he didn't like Ransley and his companion, I deliberately distanced myself. However, I still wanted to be friends but he never wanted to talk to me again. And till now, he never did! I was a bit sad, to be very honest and I was able to let go of our friendship. I was able to do that only because me and Ransley were becoming quiet good friends again but I knew it won't be like what it was back in 8. I concluded that, that's because we grew up and we came to know exactly who we are.

Now, in 10 I was facing problems other than just friendship. The worst part was, I couldn't tell anyone because they would think I was mad and I endured it all by myself and had to put on a show in front of others and hid beneath a veneer of calmness. I tried to forget most of the stuff, but then I couldn't.  I was so depressed, that I started hallucinating. I used to see stuff, mostly cloudy but sometimes they were clear. I couldn't sleep at night. I saw things walking around someone trying to suffocate me and thus kill me. The worst thing I saw was when a person (I think he was wearing a dark brown cloak and face was unclear with red eyes) approached me while I was sleeping (I think I was awake, it's pretty confusing in what state I was but I know that I was conscious) and he covered my mouth with his hands so that I couldn't scream and I couldn't get up. I wanted to, and when I tried it was like I couldn't pick my body up but then my spirit (or soul I guess) was sucked out of my body and I turned only to look at my face. It was really scary. It didn't happen to once but many times, the same thing.

I really have no idea what was going on. But somehow my class teacher came to know that I was disturbed. To tell you the truth, most of the times I seemed withdrawn from life and lost in my own thoughts. And sometimes I was just the opposite, I was fully of energy and confident (that explained my bipolar behavior).
Days passed by and I also had my first board exam that year, so I also had to study. Slowly I tired to help my own self because I knew I was the only person who would be able to fix myself. I was right. I did and today I am so much better. I am happy today (at least I try to be) and I've grown much stronger.

I think this will be enough for me write today. I'll continue though.

Love Always,
Bernard.

HAPPY EASTER!

Happy Easter Everyone!

May The risen Lord bless you and your family. Believe in HIM and Have FAITH.

You should always have faith in God. Always remember that whatever happens in life, happens for a REASON. God knows exactly about you. We should all surrender ourselves because God has a much better and bigger plan for us than what we have for ourselves.

There might be some atheists out there and to whom I also suggest to believe that whatever happens in life always happens for a reason.

Have a nice day.

Love Always,
Bernard.

Hypocrisy

Look around you. What do you see? You might see a lot of things and a lot of people. But there's one thing that is all pervading and that is - HYPOCRISY!

Hypocrisy always bothered me. It bother's me more because I actually get to know people who're hypocrites. I don't know whether you all can catch hypocrisy or not but I can tell you that I can. First I thought it's a gift I possess to know what people truly thinks but then it becomes weird.

I have a lot of people whom I know are hypocrites. Most people, like my friends, pretend to like me just for the things they get out of me. I'm helpful, whenever people wants some help I help them. Like my classmates wants some notes from me or something like of that kind. It might be hard to believe but in class I had the best handwriting and also the one who took down every note till the last bit. And just before exams people, whom I didn't even know or talk to came to me and asked my notes. Well, it usually starts with me saying a clear 'No!' but then they all put up a 'puupy dog' face and finally say 'Ok!'.

Some of my classmates practically teased me and tried to make my life miserable also came to me during their time when they needed help. So I helped. After a week, they belonged where they were and I to mine.I tried really hard not to bother about these or even brood over these silly things. Sometimes I thought that whether I was being an hypocrite for giving them the help they needed. I really thought I was. But then I came to the conclusion 'No! Of course not!' I was just being me. It's me who really helps and I don't care what the person did to me months, weeks, days or years ago. I'll just do my part of job. Someone told me, that I should to my part of the job being myself. I shouldn't care about others. Besides, I really like helping people.

There are also some people who hated me but after doing something good for them, they change their attitude towards me. Although sometimes they don't want to act all nice to me but they still do. I come to know that too and I really appreciate that. So to keep in somewhat good terms with them I ignore them, most of the times and I say nothing to them. Also after a long time of ignorance they start to think that I'm arrogant and I'm too proud. But only I know and some of my close friends know, what it is. There's problem everywhere and in everything I do, I guess. I try to shape and mould my thoughts subsequently and according to the given situation. And I think you should do too.

If we do something nice, the act may be small, but still it is good nonetheless, you will be rewarded. At the end, it will make you happy! Just be patient and that's all. Continue to be kind and nice to others even when they try to hurt you. I'm sure one day they'll realize you're worth. We are so much more than what we think. And we accept the love we think we deserve, when in reality we deserve more.

Love Always,
Bernard.

P.S. I'll tell you what happen to my friendship later, I really wanted to write this article soon!

Vital Change in Character (Growing Up)

Growth is inevitable. We all have to agree on that. Growing up also takes place at different pace and also at different times. A 12 year old can be as mature as 19 year old and a man aged 50 can still have the mentality of a 23 year old.

To parents, their children growing up is probably one of the hardest things they will face. It becomes tougher when the parents are not in touch with their children. However, a point comes when they have to accept the fact of growing up and when they finally accept it, they themselves have grown up. Growing up is characterized by a drastic change in the ones growing up. Most of the times, it's the attitude, which changes.
Change in attitude can be towards something or towards anyone.

When I was in class 9, my best friend, Ransley stopped talking with me and completely ignored me in school. The reason was that I changed and became a person who was very rude and arrogant to people who teased me. Till grade 8, I just used to accept all the taunts and torments thrown at me but then I thought it was enough and decided to change. Although Ransley never abused me in anyway, he did teased me, but now when I look back, those didn't matter. However, I was very rude at him. After weeks of not talking and ignoring, whenever he tried to talk to me I blew him away, and then he never looked at me in the eye whenever he was near to me. But he did looked at me from a distance and I did too. I was naive back then and a bit stupid too that I didn't realize that I disappointing him and I did hurt him. He hurt me as well, but we never showed each other as well. We were no longer best friends we used to be and became strangers.

That was the time when I became good friends with Madan B. and Parkin John B. Madan suddenly became best friends with me, it was almost like a friendship that I had with Ransley. On the other hand, Ransley made new friends (better than me). Towards the end of the year I realized the actual worth of Ransley and it was hard for me to accept that I missed him. Madan started to control me in ways I didn't realize then. As our friendship grew stronger, I told Madan how me and Ransley used to be really good friends. The moment I mentioned his name, he started hating him and began to be angry at me and kept saying to me "Your choice of friends is really poor and bad". I turned a deaf ear to that and then I'm wondered how could he say that when in fact I chose him to be my friend!

As my friendship with Madan started weakening and went to the extent of him abusing me over text just before my final Chemistry exam for that year. He abused me and practically my entire family. And when I shared this with my friends the next day, Ransley was present. He didn't react and something told me that he was happy. He started to talk to me again, it was like we were beginning to become friends all over again!

That year ended like that. But somehow I was happy. I realized that I was pretending all that year just to be with Madan and his friends. I was being someone else who wasn't me. I hated myself. I looked into how I treated Ransley and some others and felt terribly bad. I felt so bad that I cried. I promised myself I will not be that person again. I loved and liked myself when I was not loud, when I was submissive and tolerant. I wanted to be that way again.

This post has become too long, I'll tell you what happened next in my following post.

Till then, Bye.

Love Always,
Bernard.

The Perks Of Being A Wallflower

I'm going to devote this whole post about The Perks Of Being A Wallflower just to tell all of you how much I loved the movie and the book!

I downloaded the e-book for The Perks Of Being A Wallflower way before the movie came out as I knew that I will never actually own book. I really wanted to read it and so I read the e-book and I fell in love with it. After the movie came out, I ordered the book online and finally I had my own copy of the book. Few weeks ago I read the book again. And by the way I don't like to read e-books, that would be my first and last time reading an e-book, hopefully.

The book is plain and written in simple language so that anyone can understand it. Stephen Chobsky is really a great writer because he never tried to sugar-coat anything in his novel. Any person who possesses heart will be able to feel what the main character (Charlie) feels and will be able to relate to the book. I loved the fact that it was set in early 1990s. Charlie makes senior friends in school, namely Sam and Patrick and both of them are amazing and Charlie's perception of his surrounding is really great! Stephen Chobsky's character development in the novel is worthy of praise. I suggest every young adult and even the adults to read the book. If this book is read at the right time of your life then it sure will become a companion for life, just like it became to me because the book greatly affected me.

I'm in real life, pretty much like Charlie because I'm a wallflower too and we kind of think the same way, however whatever he goes through and I go through are completely different. I really hated myself and this book really made me feel better about myself and I started looking at life in a totally different way.I'll talk about me hating myself later.

The movie is also really good too, Charlie is played by Logan Lerman, Sam by Emma Watson and Patrick by Ezra Miller. The lead performances were strong and the performances of them are reason enough to watch this movie. The movie is directed by Stephen Chobsky himself and so he couldn't go anywhere wrong. The imperfections in the movie makes the movie perfect. I've watched the movie thrice. If you don't like to read books then at least watch the movie. The movie might also help to influence your thoughts about life. The music is great too. The movie and the book differs in ways (like every other book which has been turned into movie), but I think it couldn't have been helped because then the movie would have been NC-17 rated or R at the least. The movie is supposed to have a target audience and hence the rating, PG-13. So I suggest both, to read as well as watch the movie, If you're into reading books and watching movies.

Here's the trailer for the movie, in case if you haven't seen yet. The trailer is although deceptive and it's not a 'typical high school' movie about teenagers. It's so much more than that and travels deep. It's in one line about mental disorder, child abuse and deals with more grave subjects similar to this.

I hope you will someday read and watch the movie.

Love Always,
Bernard.

Holi - A Festival Of Colors!

So today was holi. Holi is the festival of colors celebrated all across India and even in some parts of the world. I don't know why exactly people celebrate this festival but I kind of made my own personal philosophy to support this idea of festival. This festival is like a metaphor to bring color to one's life. In other words, this festival might prove like a break from the daily monotonous life. Again, this is only my interpretation.

It is actually quiet fun. Playing with colors and throwing colored water filled balloons at random passerby and then hiding quickly, ambushing relatives and friends with a handful of color material and things like that. This festival is also marked by a drink, it's called "Bhang" in local language here, which apparently makes one drunk and go nuts because it's actually made of condensed milk and cashew nuts (that's what I know about that drink). I never really had that drink but I want to at least once. 

Most of my friends played holi today and I saw their pictures in facebook. They all looked like ghastly figures in those pictures but looked really happy and that's what all matters. I didn't play holi because like every year it fell during lent. And my mom told me that it's not the right time to play. It bothered me when I was kid but soon I never objected that and was okay with that. The last time I remember playing holi was when I was in grade 3. I remember me and my siblings and all the neighborhood kids joined us in my garage, and we played like crazy. We were so soaked in colors that my mom didn't let us eneter the house until we cleaned ourselves in our pond.  So that was that.

Thinking about those days make me seem like an old person and make me realize that I'm grown up now. But I might play again if and only if it doesn't coincide with the season of lent.

Here's a picture incase you're having a little trouble what holi exactly is -

Till then, I wish you all Happy Holi!

Love Always,
Bernard.

Death of a child

Today when I woke up, my mother gave me a really sad news. And yes, it's the first thing I heard today. One of my relative's son (age 4) died. He had tumor in his lungs and today at 4 am he passed away in the hospital, he was admitted in the ICU. I was instantly sad about it, because during some occasions like a small party or get-together I met him. His mother is also the godmother of my nephew who is 2 and a half years old. My nephew, niece and  he used to play together and I'm just sad about that. I spoke to him twice and he was jovial and happy and looked really fit. He used to run around my entire house when he was there. My elder sister called my mom to give the news. I'm just wandering what his mother and father are going through right now. His entire family and grandmother especially. All I saw was how much they loved him and today he is gone.He even had a sister, who I think was 2 years elder to him and she loved him as well. I really don't want to imagine their faces right now. But it all seems unbelievable and I never thought something like this will happen to a 4 year old kid.

In life, anything can happen anytime. Nobody knows what. I think we should try to feel alive everyday because one day we all will  die. And we came to this world for some reason and we have a purpose. During the first part of our life we must find what exactly our purpose it. We may need some time to figure that out and sometimes it takes too much of time to find out that. And once we know that, we must employ our actions properly in order to get them fulfilled. Sometimes it will look like as if the most difficult task has been assigned to us and it's impossible to do anything about that. But it is nothing like that because it can be done. And while carrying our our intentions, we may be judged by others but we must still carry on all alone when there's no one to support us. To be honest, you need actually need a lot of support, one one is enough to alter the evil in the world. He/She can make a difference even though it can be small. No one is asking anyone to make a monumental change or difference, the little acts if done by everyone can bring about a huge change.

I really hope you understand what I'm saying.

And here's a song I would like to share today with you all. This song is - Asleep by The Smiths and today it somehow perfectly fits the situation. This is wonderful and lovely song! And this is actually one of my favorites. I knew about The Smiths long before but I came to know about this particular song after reading 'The Perks Of Being A Wallflower' by Stephen Chobsky. And It's my favorite book and companion now.

Love always,
Bernard.

Favorite Subject and Grade 8

Let me talk a little about school here. My most significant class would be class 8. The reason why, is because I got to find myself and moreover I realized that it's wasn't just about finding yourself about also creating yourself. In other words I thought that discovering and inventing should go hand in hand. I also made good friends and one of them turned out to be my best friend. His name is Ransley G. Ransley by the way is still one of my best friends. In this grade, actually everyone was so curious about certain things, which I thought was amusing and I liked listening what my classmates had to say and they said different sorts of stories about social network site (Who said what to whom), girlfriends, sports, musicians and bands (like Greenday and Linkin Park) and also about thier personal lives.So It was kind of great, I think.

However I was also teased in this class and my class teacher also made the beginning of the year horrible. While collecting answer scripts of our tests, she though I threw my paper at her face and went back. She said this after collecting all the papers and then she called my roll no. and I didn't stand up because it didn't really hit me at the first instance that it was my number (and I never thought anything would happen like this to me) and then she shouted out again and then it dawned on me and I stood up at once. She then accused me, and then I saw my first bench classmates turning around with faces saying 'No I saw you, you didn't do anything like that' and then I had to look straight into my teacher's eyes. Before this almost all the teachers remarked I was 'well behaved and well mannered' and 'honest' student and that same well mannered student had to go through this. She was my English teacher. She then decided to deduct 2 marks from my paper. I was blank then, and after she left I started crying. I cried really hard. My friends came to soothe me, I don't remember whether it helped me or made it even worse. All I remember was, watching me cry, another student started crying too because his test went bad. I think I was also responsible for his crying.

English was always my favorite subject and still is. But in class 8, I never got good marks, I got D grades (that's 50% - 60%) and I couldn't believe it! After that my hopes in English were belied. She even after that changed my place and send to right at the back of the class at one corner. I stopped minding it after some time and she forgot what I did and she even forgot my name! So then the 2nd term was alright. To be very honest I didn't really like her as an English teacher.

So in class 9( I'll tell more about this class later) when my favorite English teacher told us to write in a chit of paper the marks we were expecting and I thought the marking scheme will be the same as class 8 and so I didn't get my hopes up and wrote a modest 50/80 and she was shocked to see that! And then without showing my marks, she turned to the class and said 'Gentlemen, I think this is the highest in this class and he expects 50' and then I saw 65/80 and I was amazed and surprised and I really couldn't believe. Later I found out that I didn't get the highest, I got the 3rd highest because 2 other students got 67 and 66. But I was so happy that I did not bother about that! I was just very happy. And my confidence in that subject came back and English became my favorite subject since then again. In my last English exam I got 87/100 and the teacher told me that I write well.

This was my story behind my favorite subject.

Love Always,
Bernard.

Growing Up and Personal Freedom

The images I used for background and the header were taken in Kunming, China. I was an exchange student in my school's exchange programme and went to China last year. I would not say the trip was comforting but it was one of those trips from which I learned a lot.

Moving further, I will also share my opinion on books which I read (will read) and movies. Well, I'm not really a critic. I'm just an ordinary being like you and me. I face the same problems as you, so there is actually no difference among us. The fact is that we must consider ourselves to be lucky and blessed. I know sometimes a point comes when we give up all our hopes and we don't hold on to that- that we are blessed, we think that the world is cruel to us. And it's normal too, but we anyway go through the bad and when it's gone we still stand on our feet. I mean, come on now, there has to be a time when things will become good. Sometimes it takes time and sometimes it happens in a blink of an eye, however it does happen.

So, I'm actually somewhere in between an high school student and a college student. I gave my board examinations (ISC Class 12) whose results will come out sometime in June. And after that I'll have to start applying in colleges. But I think I am destined to go to St. Xavier's College because I also studied in St. Xavier's School. Yes, it's an university. I have studied there for 13 years and will continue studying in college for more three years, I guess.

I am not a 'nerd' but I do study, may not throughout the year but I study just enough. Even with that amount of studying people around me thinks I'm good at studying. And the people in my society actually thinks I'm good and tell their kids to be like me. I really don't like that. I mean sometimes my parents tell me how some of my cousins look good and are healthy as they go to gym and they try to tell me that I should be more like them by eating good nutritious food and exercising, and how I hate this. The fact is that I want people to be themselves, they should NOT be like anyone or follow anyone's footsteps. However, they should learn from others mistakes so that they don't repeat them and the matter ends there. The should create a different path altogether and eventually by doing so, they will make mistakes, it's inevitable. But that's good, because that means they are normal and they are experiencing life.

So If you're a mom or a dad reading this, tell your kids to learn from your own or others mistakes, and encourage them to pursue what they want. I'm quiet sure teenagers and kids these days cannot be managed with military precision. Give them the amount of freedom which is required, giving more or less can be bad.

I guess that's it for now. Have a good day or night.

Love always,
Bernard.

Welcome!

Hi,
My name is Bernard Gomes and I live in India. I'm 18 years old. I'm starting this blog because one of my favorite hobbies is to write. Writing doesn't mean that I like to write short stories and fiction (actually I like that too) but I like to write about things that I see and observe. So, this blog will have posts which obviously and apparently I'll post, and they will involve a number of people in it. I really don't want to hurt anyone's feelings and so I will give other names to people. And by the way in case you're thinking, my real name is the name which I said in the first line. I don't wish to conceal my identity really, and I don't know why.

So, I'm am not a gifted writer as you all can judge by reading this first welcome post. But that is my whole point - I DO NOT wish to be a genius writer. The things that I will write about should be understood by all, and that should be my aim. I really hope to help people through this, those who are struggling with life and are going through difficult times or even maybe times which cannot be given a name. I don't have a degree in psychology but I do understand people. In real life I'm way too passive and a wallflower but I really, really want to help.

I will be posting about my life and observations here, I will be focusing more on observations and you all can contact me through this blog or can ask me questions in my email - akshaygomes17@yahoo.com

Thank you for taking time to visit my blog.

Love always,
Bernard.

P.S. I'll try to keep things as simple as possible.